Nobody is reading this. I don't care.

It has been a long time since I've posted on this page.  I've kept paying the relatively low cost for the domain name on the off chance I decided it would be worth starting up again so here I am.  More of a personal journal than a blog I guess.  You would think it was tucked away in a bedside drawer and not posted publicly on the World Wide Web with the number of views my posts have received.  That is partially why I quit writing I thing.  I felt it was pointless.  The second reason was time.  You know that excuse everyone uses to not do things that they start out doing.  Oh, I've just got to busy.  Work has been crazy.  I've got to do X, Y, and Z with the kids.  Television.  Well here I am again, pounding out another blog post....how long will I keep on it this time?  I don't fancy myself to be a great writer or anymore full of insight that the world must hear than anyone else but that shouldn't mean that what I have to say is any less important than anyone else out there.  I think we live in a world where we get so focused on results that we forget about content.  With technology these days we get focused on the whats on screen and feedback through the # of likes on a post and it becomes less about the individual.  How easy it is to hit like and move on?  Thanks to Facebook, I've wished more people happy birthday in the last few years than I did the first 30 years of my life.  Think back to your time on Facebook and tell me about the really memorable experiences you have had?  The posts that have really made an impact....I can't remember hardly any of it.  I know that in the moment I'm entertained then its on to the next.  Nothing holds your attention.  I think we also expect other people to be so interested in the things going on in our lives, when in reality the number of people that genuinely care about the day to day stuff that get's posted is pretty limited.  So this kind of brings me back to why I have started writing in this blog again.  It is for me.  It's about me.  Not in some egotistical sense that I have great things to say or wisdom to impart that just absolutely must be put into print, but that it is an outlet.  I feel there are things that need to be said about certain topics or experiences that I have that I need to put out there; even if nobody ever reads it.  I'm not a real vocal person in terms of discussing things outside of perhaps a close group of people I'm comfortable with and even then I often to get the opportunity to talk about certain things.  Writing it down is just a form of self expression I guess.  Is it a waste of time??? Maybe, I don't know.  Would I be better off watching TV or spending hours scrolling through Facebook or playing the latest game on my iPhone?  The thing with writing is it often makes me think about certain things on a deeper level sometimes or lead down different rabbit holes.  I think that in itself has value.  Facebook, TV, Video games....all those things can be good for maybe introducing you to an idea but, they are mostly other people's ideas.  Other people's ideas are great but we should build on those with our own thoughts and ideas.  Think also about those people who are really close to you....or someone that is close to you that you have lost.  What if you had a journal of that person's thoughts and experiences?  The memories are the greatest part of our relationships with people.  Our minds can fail and memories can fade and sometimes things remind us of things, it might be a photograph or a certain place or smell.  Sometimes the memories are faded and general.  If I could have a journal entry from my Dad and his life or things he experienced a long the way to read each day or week or whenever I wanted, how cool would that be?  Those of us with kids, how would you like to continue to teach and inspire them when you are gone?  Look at all the great quotes and wisdom we have from famous people who wrote books or journals or letters back when writing letters was cool.  All that stuff is important, well our close friends and family are important in the context of our own family lives and there are quotes and lessons learned there as well and they are no less important than the words of George Washington or JFK or Einstein or Plato or whomever.  Maybe nobody will read this.  Maybe one really important person will.

Sex for Survival - My rendezvous with a prostitute.

I didn't immediately catch on. I heard her words but blew it off as an excuse and I do not doubt that part of it was simply that.  I thought about it more later that evening and again today.  She wasn't complaining, her statement was more "mater-of-fact" which is probably why I did not initially read between the lines. Below is the tale of my encounter with a prostitute...

I pulled up into a relatively dark and vacant parking lot that is really more of an alley, wedged between a set of train tracks and a seedy motel as well as a few condos and town homes. I saw a dark SUV parked and approached a young white female who was seated on the curb nearby and I immediately recognized her as a prostitute.  This wasn't my first time with a prostitute so the clues weren't hard to spot, between her mannerisms, the way she was sitting, her make-up and dress were all suggestive but perhaps what gave it away was the mix of confidence masking the shame that was given away by her inability to maintain eye contact.

I approached as I had done so often before, striding over with a certain swagger demonstrating that this wasn't my first time...I'd approached enough women in her profession that the awkwardness had long worn off.   I asked her if she was "working" and she said, "Not tonight." A lie, I thought but I didn't press the matter.  I engaged her in some small talk sensing that she was the type who would appreciate being set at ease before getting down to business unlike others who seemed straight to the point.  I discovered she was homeless, no surprise there really, most of them were or jumped from place to place staying with different people who would take them in or exchanging her services for food, lodging, dope......whatever.  This girl said she has been homeless and working the streets since 2011. She looked to be in her early 20's and if she began working as a prostitute several years ago then that meant she was most likely having recreational sex early on in high school. Bad home life, low-self esteem, feeling that giving herself up made her feel wanted or needed even if just temporarily....whatever the story she probably had at least 5 years of sexual experience.

She tells me that just because she's homeless, doesn't mean she's on the street, just because she lives like she lives doesn't mean that she is a victim, or an addict or does not have standards or morals or dignity. Her response was unsolicited which caught me off guard.  I asked why she doesn't get a job or hasn't had one since 2011.  She says its hard without a permanent address and besides there are not any jobs out there for someone like me, the illegals and mexicans have carved out a niche and have all the jobs, I can't move in on that niche.


My initial thought was, "nice excuse" and I think part of it is simply that.  I think about the $60 she was offered for a blow job and wonder is it all really worth it?

It wasn't until my partner cut the "John" loose and we both got in our patrol cars and drove off that I thought more about what she said.  This girl was young and I doubt very political or concerned about immigration reform or any of that stuff, her concern is survival.  It's sad that she feels that she has to do what she does to survive.  She obviously has some experience with feeling helpless in today's economy and job market and while I agree that some of her statements are in large part an excuse it is interesting to see the effect illegal immigration has on the legal work force.  Illegal immigrants take a job or perhaps a legal kid of an illegal immigrant takes a job driving a legal citizen into an illegal trade to survive.  How many other families are effected by this open door policy at the border? This girl has more problems that most likely started inside her home as a child to lead to her current condition but things often add up, it's the totality of circumstances.....who knows maybe if she had better success finding work early on she may have escaped her circumstance, regardless a girl in her early 20's thought it a relevant "excuse" to point out to me...so as long as things remain the same, she will continue to rely on sex to survive.

I Love My Wife!

I remember the early days of my relationship with my wife. Those days and years that we had first met and gotten to know each other as college kids at San Diego State University.  It’s funny how that many days all I could think about was spending more time with that girl. Classes, friends, work all seemed to fade into the background; each extra second with her was second well spent.  Fifteen years later and much has changed. I no longer want to spend every moment with this woman and there are even days when she drives me nuts. She is far from the perfect woman I met in college and to be fair I’m not longer the perfect man.  Fifteen years later and I still love this woman every bit as much, if not more, than those early days in our relationship.  There is a reason in marriage vows the words “for better or WORSE” appear.  I’m fortunate that the mountain tops are much more frequent than the dark valleys in our relationship but those valleys are so important in allowing me to appreciate the views from atop those peaks. Many things weather with time, looking at my wife the other day I realized she is not one of those things, she has been unchanging…..actually, I take that back, she has changed but for the better.  Even the physical beauty of her youth does not compare to refined model I have today.  My regret is that I have not been a better husband sometimes. I will keep trying and she will keep loving me.  In the middle of our life its obvious our focus has shifted to kids, careers and hustle bustle. I enjoy our quiet times together that much more.  I hope someday to return to spending more and more time together when we both have even more years behind us.  She will be with me for eternity so I worry little about it right now.  God created Eve for Adam and he gave me Gina. I love my life and my wife for better or worse.

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

These are the times that try men's souls!

 Presidential Election 2012. Barack Obama wins reelection.  The morning of Tuesday November 6th 2012 the first thing I did was say a prayer.  It went something like this:  

"Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day and the blessing of living in the greatest country this earth has ever known.  It was no mere accident but your divine hand that created this place.  Today a free America elects a President for the next four years, in my heart of heart's I believe Mitt Romney is the best person for the job.  I know that my wishes will not always align with the votes of other free men and I will not always get what I want.  I also know that you have blessed Man with free will, even if that free will causes us to make mistakes. Regardless of the results of our own choices you still remain Lord.  You rule over all of the leaders and kings on earth.  I pray that your righteousness infects whoever wins this election.  I know that you have a plan for all of us and pray that regardless of Romney or Obama, YOUR will and not mine is done.  I pray that America remains in Your favor by its people continuing to choose Love, Charity and Faith and walk with your despite what earthly king rules over them.  I finally pray that you will help me, my family and my countrymen walk with Christ through our time here on earth so that we may dwell with him for eternity.  You are the way, the truth and the light and give my life to you. Amen."

Obama won the election. 

"THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated."  ~ Thomas Paine

I will live my life for Christ!  I will do the best I can to do the best I can, not to earn salvation but to please my God.  Christ has bought and paid for my salvation, it CAN'T be earned. I will try to do good because I LOVE my God...PERIOD.  I will fail more often than I succeed BUT I will not quit!  

CA Propositions 2012 - My Voter's Guide

So after some spirited discussion over the 11 State ballot initiatives on the November 2012 ballot, I came up with the following results.  You should know that while a consensus was reached on most of the initiatives, there were some where at least one person strayed.  A strategy we used on some of the more confusing props, was "When in doubt, Vote it out!" So, here it is:

Proposition 30 - Temporary Taxes to Fund Education/Public Safety   (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 31 - State and Local Government Budget initiative (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 32 - Union dues/payroll deductions for Political Contributions (Consensus - YES)

Proposition 33 - Auto insurance/driver history (Split - YES)

Proposition 34 - Death Penalty Initiative (Split - NO)

Proposition 35 - Human Trafficking/Sex Offenders (Split - YES)

Propostion 36 - Three Strikes Law (Split - NO)

Proposition 37 - Genetically Modified Food Labeling (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 38 - Income Tax Increase for early childhood ed. programs (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 39 - Income Tax increase for Business pertaining to Clean Energy (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 40 - Redistricting State Senate Districts (Consensus - YES)

A Facebook repost from Jake Ebert

Made homebrew today. In advance, I’d like to thank the gov’t for the roads to get me to the store and my teachers for helping me learn to read so I could understand the recipe. (Sorry mom and dad, you did nothing). If the beer is great and I sell it, I’m wondering if the gov’t would let me off the hook for the 40% I owe on every cent of profit. In exchange, I won’t ask the gov’t for reimbursemen

t if the beer is gross and I have to pour it all out. It’s about risk…and yes, I’m going to claim “I built it.” I don’t think I’m “smarter than you” or I “work harder” than you. It’s simply a statement about beer. Lest anyone thinks this is a political statement, I ask that you please don’t take me out of context. And yes, I’m buzzed!

Epic Fail!

The Epic Fail!  It’s become a popular phrase amongst today’s youth, popularized by Katie Perry and other Pop Icons.  The following is from the Urban Dictionary:

Epic- Anything great, spectacular, or large/monumental in nature

Fail- An inability to complete an objective, task or job either assigned or volunteered for.

Epic Fail -A mistake of such monumental proportions that it requires its own term in order to successfully point out the unfathomable shortcomings of an individual or group.

I’m writing this post today to say that failure IS an option.   While reading a book called, “Sifted” I came across a quote by President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt.  Not my favorite President for various reasons but nonetheless I found great wisdom in the following quote:

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

Epic Fail! 

General Washington lost many battles throughout the revolution. Epic Fail!

Thomas Edison had many inventions/ideas that did not pan out.  Epic Fail!

Jonah ignored God, a storm threatened to capsize his vessel and all onboard.  He was thrown overboard and swallowed by a giant fish.  Epic Fail!

Failure is often the crucible that forges greatness!  We learn much from our own mistakes and can become better for it.  But more importantly than lessons learned is the mere fact that we truly live by playing the game! 

If we don’t take risks we will never know the joy of success.  We will live a mediocre, bland existence.  God does not want this for our lives.  He wants us to trust in him and push ourselves over our physical, human limits and into the realm of spiritual greatness. 

Think of it this way; if you died today, or years from now looking back at your life, will you do it wondering what could have been?  Wishing you could have done more?  Did your life have purpose?  Did you take risks knowing that it may indeed result in an Epic Fail…or were you afraid to fail?  Did you play it safe, living in the realm of human capabilities or did you risk it and allow Christ to take you far beyond? 

In all honesty I will have my regrets at the end of my life, I think anybody who is being truly honest will.  We can’t live everyday and every moment perfectly.  We don’t have infinite knowledge from the time we are born…..we learn as we go… we learn by living.  I need frequent reminders to live fully.  Today I hope you fail, so that tomorrow you can succeed.  Today I hope you know what it feels like to live!  A life checkered with Epic Fails, will simply be looked back on as being EPIC!