Remembering Sam

Ten years ago an article from my college’s newspaper, The Daily Aztec, on January 29^th 2002 began as follows:

“The news that a San Diego State student died of meningitis Saturday morning sent shock waves through the university yesterday.

Samantha Graham, a communication senior, is believed to have contracted the disease over Winter Break. She was to graduate this spring.”

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read a story such as this and thought, Wow, that’s too bad they were so young or maybe saw the headline and not thought much more of it as I continued on with my day. My point is it never really hits you until it hits close to home.

Samantha Graham was a friend of mine, a classmate and co-worker all rolled into one. Her death hit close to home. I had lost older family members but when someone who is your age dies, especially at a younger age, there is something that will rock you to your core. I imagine our military men and women have come to understand this far to well.

Samantha left behind a twin sister, Abby, who I was and am still friends with today. I can’t imagine how the loss of Sam feels for her. I always identified the Graham’s as twins, a pair and it was hard to picture one without the other, even when I was around either of them without the other, I always pictured them as a package deal. Like those broken heart necklaces that were once popular that said “Best” on one side and “Friends” on the other and fit so nicely together; even when they are apart you know there is a match that makes it whole.

Nothing is a bigger test of faith than death, especially when it involves someone we have grown so close with. Jesus Christ did not want to die either and think of the questions of faith even his followers had when our world’s savior breathed his last breath on the cross. Do you think they questioned their faith? I’m reminded of Jesus’ appearance to several of his disciples after his own death on the road to Emmaus from Luke 24:13-32 (Read it).

Death seems so unfair when it comes so early and unexpectedly. Jesus arrived in Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and was crucified on Good Friday. It was unexpected just as Sam’s death was unexpected.

I get “the angry with God” feeling! I actually think its ok. I think we are suppose to tell him how angry we feel, tell why it is unfair, how hurt we are. I even think its ok to ask him and ourselves “why” why her, why him, why now, why did this happen? I think it is ok to do all of this as long as you are communicating with God. Go ahead let him have it.

It was August of 1998 and I was beginning my first semester at San Diego State University. I lived in the dorms, Tenochca Hall, 3^rd Floor. The first two female students I met were Samantha and Abby Graham. I can picture the moment still, two beautiful girls with beaming smiles as excited as I was to embark on our college experience. Samantha as it turns out lived above me on the fourth floor the same floor as a young woman who would eventually become my wife, Gina. Gina recalls Sam as being one of the few girls who lived on her floor whom she genuinely liked because of how friendly she was. I eventually went on to work with Sam and Abby as front desk assistants and later resident advisers. Sam and I worked in the same dorm hall and was one of my favorite co-workers. Sam and I even were in the same Spanish class one semester. We both had our own college lives, which kept us busy, and doing our own thing much of the time, but I very much considered her a friend.

At the funeral my heart broke watching Abby and thinking how this was all affecting her. Abby spoke at her sister funeral and it strengthened me. Even though I don’t remember what she said exactly I have always remembered she stood up. I remembered it when my Dad and my Grandpa died and Abby’s strength, even years later, gave me strength.

Odds are if Sam were here today, I’d occasionally message her on Facebook, or click “like” if she commented about the Aztecs going to the sweet sixteen, but I don’t know how much our relationship would grow outside of that. I think of her and Abby much more often than I would have if she were here and as strange as it sounds our relationship has grown. I also know she is in a great place now and that is not just religious talk but a deeply routed feeling which tells me its fact.

This post may have seemed to ramble or seemed to run on, but its my tribute to my dear friend Samantha Graham and also my hope that each person that reads this will remember everyone they have lost and talk to them whenever they feel the need. Just like the Best Friends necklace I mentioned earlier just because you are apart doesn’t mean the other half is not out there somewhere, even in death.

Please visit NMAUS.ORG to make a donation in the memory of Samantha Graham

Be Excellent To Each Other

Sometimes the greatest wisdom is found in the most unlikely places. Two high schoolers, Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire from the 1989 comedy Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure are traveling through history in an attempt to find a few iconic figures for a history report, instead they stumble on much more; the meaning of life. “Be Excellent to Each Other!” and “Party on Dude!”

Three children are playing on a playground when they decide to play a game to see who can climb to the top of the play structure and slide down the slide first. Three parents look on from the side of playground. The race begins in fury of screams and giggles as the three children sprint across the sand towards the play structure. About midway up the play structure one of the kids slips on a stair and falls hard and begins crying. The two other children glance back and one continues onward to the top of the structure, elated to have won, while the other stops in his tracks and returns to his injured companion.

How does the parent of the injured child feel? How does the parent of the child who sacrificed the race for his friend feel? How does the parent of the “victorious” child feel? How do each of the children feel after the event is done and finished?

No amount of success or wealth will matter unless it has been obtained righteously. You will become broken and cynical if you use others as a stepping stone to your climb up the play structure, if you build yourself up on the failures of others. The need for wealth becomes insatiable as you use “stuff” to attempt to heal that brokenness.

Be Excellent to Each Other! Do unto others as you would have them do to you! In business seek to create win-win situations. Don’t make it your goal to put others out of business but simply make your business better. Chances are in your personal life you have come to respect those who have treated you with excellence and not those who have a great resume. When you are at the end of your days you will have little regret if you have treated people right.

Party on Dude! Keep on, keeping on! Enjoy life! First, be excellent to each other, then Party on! You are meant to enjoy life here on earth despite the hardships that come. Hardships will come and hopefully you have some people in your life to help you through them. Hopefully you help others through theirs. We weren’t created to survive, hope that angels are with us and pray for miracles. We were created to rule this earth and bring goodness to one another, to make miracles happen through human actions. Angels do exist and serve a purpose. God allows for true divine miracles to happen but the design is for us to work in concert. The heavy lifting is meant to be shared!

So on Monday morning when you walk back onto the playground; have fun. Race to the top of the play structure and try your best to win...but don’t win at all costs. Don’t run every race, sit on the swings and be your friend’s biggest fan. When your parents tell you its time to go home, look back and reflect on the good times you had and look forward to tomorrow. Party on Dudes!