Sex for Survival - My rendezvous with a prostitute.

I didn't immediately catch on. I heard her words but blew it off as an excuse and I do not doubt that part of it was simply that.  I thought about it more later that evening and again today.  She wasn't complaining, her statement was more "mater-of-fact" which is probably why I did not initially read between the lines. Below is the tale of my encounter with a prostitute...

I pulled up into a relatively dark and vacant parking lot that is really more of an alley, wedged between a set of train tracks and a seedy motel as well as a few condos and town homes. I saw a dark SUV parked and approached a young white female who was seated on the curb nearby and I immediately recognized her as a prostitute.  This wasn't my first time with a prostitute so the clues weren't hard to spot, between her mannerisms, the way she was sitting, her make-up and dress were all suggestive but perhaps what gave it away was the mix of confidence masking the shame that was given away by her inability to maintain eye contact.

I approached as I had done so often before, striding over with a certain swagger demonstrating that this wasn't my first time...I'd approached enough women in her profession that the awkwardness had long worn off.   I asked her if she was "working" and she said, "Not tonight." A lie, I thought but I didn't press the matter.  I engaged her in some small talk sensing that she was the type who would appreciate being set at ease before getting down to business unlike others who seemed straight to the point.  I discovered she was homeless, no surprise there really, most of them were or jumped from place to place staying with different people who would take them in or exchanging her services for food, lodging, dope......whatever.  This girl said she has been homeless and working the streets since 2011. She looked to be in her early 20's and if she began working as a prostitute several years ago then that meant she was most likely having recreational sex early on in high school. Bad home life, low-self esteem, feeling that giving herself up made her feel wanted or needed even if just temporarily....whatever the story she probably had at least 5 years of sexual experience.

She tells me that just because she's homeless, doesn't mean she's on the street, just because she lives like she lives doesn't mean that she is a victim, or an addict or does not have standards or morals or dignity. Her response was unsolicited which caught me off guard.  I asked why she doesn't get a job or hasn't had one since 2011.  She says its hard without a permanent address and besides there are not any jobs out there for someone like me, the illegals and mexicans have carved out a niche and have all the jobs, I can't move in on that niche.


My initial thought was, "nice excuse" and I think part of it is simply that.  I think about the $60 she was offered for a blow job and wonder is it all really worth it?

It wasn't until my partner cut the "John" loose and we both got in our patrol cars and drove off that I thought more about what she said.  This girl was young and I doubt very political or concerned about immigration reform or any of that stuff, her concern is survival.  It's sad that she feels that she has to do what she does to survive.  She obviously has some experience with feeling helpless in today's economy and job market and while I agree that some of her statements are in large part an excuse it is interesting to see the effect illegal immigration has on the legal work force.  Illegal immigrants take a job or perhaps a legal kid of an illegal immigrant takes a job driving a legal citizen into an illegal trade to survive.  How many other families are effected by this open door policy at the border? This girl has more problems that most likely started inside her home as a child to lead to her current condition but things often add up, it's the totality of circumstances.....who knows maybe if she had better success finding work early on she may have escaped her circumstance, regardless a girl in her early 20's thought it a relevant "excuse" to point out to me...so as long as things remain the same, she will continue to rely on sex to survive.

I Love My Wife!

I remember the early days of my relationship with my wife. Those days and years that we had first met and gotten to know each other as college kids at San Diego State University.  It’s funny how that many days all I could think about was spending more time with that girl. Classes, friends, work all seemed to fade into the background; each extra second with her was second well spent.  Fifteen years later and much has changed. I no longer want to spend every moment with this woman and there are even days when she drives me nuts. She is far from the perfect woman I met in college and to be fair I’m not longer the perfect man.  Fifteen years later and I still love this woman every bit as much, if not more, than those early days in our relationship.  There is a reason in marriage vows the words “for better or WORSE” appear.  I’m fortunate that the mountain tops are much more frequent than the dark valleys in our relationship but those valleys are so important in allowing me to appreciate the views from atop those peaks. Many things weather with time, looking at my wife the other day I realized she is not one of those things, she has been unchanging…..actually, I take that back, she has changed but for the better.  Even the physical beauty of her youth does not compare to refined model I have today.  My regret is that I have not been a better husband sometimes. I will keep trying and she will keep loving me.  In the middle of our life its obvious our focus has shifted to kids, careers and hustle bustle. I enjoy our quiet times together that much more.  I hope someday to return to spending more and more time together when we both have even more years behind us.  She will be with me for eternity so I worry little about it right now.  God created Eve for Adam and he gave me Gina. I love my life and my wife for better or worse.

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”