Nobody is reading this. I don't care.

It has been a long time since I've posted on this page.  I've kept paying the relatively low cost for the domain name on the off chance I decided it would be worth starting up again so here I am.  More of a personal journal than a blog I guess.  You would think it was tucked away in a bedside drawer and not posted publicly on the World Wide Web with the number of views my posts have received.  That is partially why I quit writing I thing.  I felt it was pointless.  The second reason was time.  You know that excuse everyone uses to not do things that they start out doing.  Oh, I've just got to busy.  Work has been crazy.  I've got to do X, Y, and Z with the kids.  Television.  Well here I am again, pounding out another blog post....how long will I keep on it this time?  I don't fancy myself to be a great writer or anymore full of insight that the world must hear than anyone else but that shouldn't mean that what I have to say is any less important than anyone else out there.  I think we live in a world where we get so focused on results that we forget about content.  With technology these days we get focused on the whats on screen and feedback through the # of likes on a post and it becomes less about the individual.  How easy it is to hit like and move on?  Thanks to Facebook, I've wished more people happy birthday in the last few years than I did the first 30 years of my life.  Think back to your time on Facebook and tell me about the really memorable experiences you have had?  The posts that have really made an impact....I can't remember hardly any of it.  I know that in the moment I'm entertained then its on to the next.  Nothing holds your attention.  I think we also expect other people to be so interested in the things going on in our lives, when in reality the number of people that genuinely care about the day to day stuff that get's posted is pretty limited.  So this kind of brings me back to why I have started writing in this blog again.  It is for me.  It's about me.  Not in some egotistical sense that I have great things to say or wisdom to impart that just absolutely must be put into print, but that it is an outlet.  I feel there are things that need to be said about certain topics or experiences that I have that I need to put out there; even if nobody ever reads it.  I'm not a real vocal person in terms of discussing things outside of perhaps a close group of people I'm comfortable with and even then I often to get the opportunity to talk about certain things.  Writing it down is just a form of self expression I guess.  Is it a waste of time??? Maybe, I don't know.  Would I be better off watching TV or spending hours scrolling through Facebook or playing the latest game on my iPhone?  The thing with writing is it often makes me think about certain things on a deeper level sometimes or lead down different rabbit holes.  I think that in itself has value.  Facebook, TV, Video games....all those things can be good for maybe introducing you to an idea but, they are mostly other people's ideas.  Other people's ideas are great but we should build on those with our own thoughts and ideas.  Think also about those people who are really close to you....or someone that is close to you that you have lost.  What if you had a journal of that person's thoughts and experiences?  The memories are the greatest part of our relationships with people.  Our minds can fail and memories can fade and sometimes things remind us of things, it might be a photograph or a certain place or smell.  Sometimes the memories are faded and general.  If I could have a journal entry from my Dad and his life or things he experienced a long the way to read each day or week or whenever I wanted, how cool would that be?  Those of us with kids, how would you like to continue to teach and inspire them when you are gone?  Look at all the great quotes and wisdom we have from famous people who wrote books or journals or letters back when writing letters was cool.  All that stuff is important, well our close friends and family are important in the context of our own family lives and there are quotes and lessons learned there as well and they are no less important than the words of George Washington or JFK or Einstein or Plato or whomever.  Maybe nobody will read this.  Maybe one really important person will.

Sex for Survival - My rendezvous with a prostitute.

I didn't immediately catch on. I heard her words but blew it off as an excuse and I do not doubt that part of it was simply that.  I thought about it more later that evening and again today.  She wasn't complaining, her statement was more "mater-of-fact" which is probably why I did not initially read between the lines. Below is the tale of my encounter with a prostitute...

I pulled up into a relatively dark and vacant parking lot that is really more of an alley, wedged between a set of train tracks and a seedy motel as well as a few condos and town homes. I saw a dark SUV parked and approached a young white female who was seated on the curb nearby and I immediately recognized her as a prostitute.  This wasn't my first time with a prostitute so the clues weren't hard to spot, between her mannerisms, the way she was sitting, her make-up and dress were all suggestive but perhaps what gave it away was the mix of confidence masking the shame that was given away by her inability to maintain eye contact.

I approached as I had done so often before, striding over with a certain swagger demonstrating that this wasn't my first time...I'd approached enough women in her profession that the awkwardness had long worn off.   I asked her if she was "working" and she said, "Not tonight." A lie, I thought but I didn't press the matter.  I engaged her in some small talk sensing that she was the type who would appreciate being set at ease before getting down to business unlike others who seemed straight to the point.  I discovered she was homeless, no surprise there really, most of them were or jumped from place to place staying with different people who would take them in or exchanging her services for food, lodging, dope......whatever.  This girl said she has been homeless and working the streets since 2011. She looked to be in her early 20's and if she began working as a prostitute several years ago then that meant she was most likely having recreational sex early on in high school. Bad home life, low-self esteem, feeling that giving herself up made her feel wanted or needed even if just temporarily....whatever the story she probably had at least 5 years of sexual experience.

She tells me that just because she's homeless, doesn't mean she's on the street, just because she lives like she lives doesn't mean that she is a victim, or an addict or does not have standards or morals or dignity. Her response was unsolicited which caught me off guard.  I asked why she doesn't get a job or hasn't had one since 2011.  She says its hard without a permanent address and besides there are not any jobs out there for someone like me, the illegals and mexicans have carved out a niche and have all the jobs, I can't move in on that niche.


My initial thought was, "nice excuse" and I think part of it is simply that.  I think about the $60 she was offered for a blow job and wonder is it all really worth it?

It wasn't until my partner cut the "John" loose and we both got in our patrol cars and drove off that I thought more about what she said.  This girl was young and I doubt very political or concerned about immigration reform or any of that stuff, her concern is survival.  It's sad that she feels that she has to do what she does to survive.  She obviously has some experience with feeling helpless in today's economy and job market and while I agree that some of her statements are in large part an excuse it is interesting to see the effect illegal immigration has on the legal work force.  Illegal immigrants take a job or perhaps a legal kid of an illegal immigrant takes a job driving a legal citizen into an illegal trade to survive.  How many other families are effected by this open door policy at the border? This girl has more problems that most likely started inside her home as a child to lead to her current condition but things often add up, it's the totality of circumstances.....who knows maybe if she had better success finding work early on she may have escaped her circumstance, regardless a girl in her early 20's thought it a relevant "excuse" to point out to me...so as long as things remain the same, she will continue to rely on sex to survive.

I Love My Wife!

I remember the early days of my relationship with my wife. Those days and years that we had first met and gotten to know each other as college kids at San Diego State University.  It’s funny how that many days all I could think about was spending more time with that girl. Classes, friends, work all seemed to fade into the background; each extra second with her was second well spent.  Fifteen years later and much has changed. I no longer want to spend every moment with this woman and there are even days when she drives me nuts. She is far from the perfect woman I met in college and to be fair I’m not longer the perfect man.  Fifteen years later and I still love this woman every bit as much, if not more, than those early days in our relationship.  There is a reason in marriage vows the words “for better or WORSE” appear.  I’m fortunate that the mountain tops are much more frequent than the dark valleys in our relationship but those valleys are so important in allowing me to appreciate the views from atop those peaks. Many things weather with time, looking at my wife the other day I realized she is not one of those things, she has been unchanging…..actually, I take that back, she has changed but for the better.  Even the physical beauty of her youth does not compare to refined model I have today.  My regret is that I have not been a better husband sometimes. I will keep trying and she will keep loving me.  In the middle of our life its obvious our focus has shifted to kids, careers and hustle bustle. I enjoy our quiet times together that much more.  I hope someday to return to spending more and more time together when we both have even more years behind us.  She will be with me for eternity so I worry little about it right now.  God created Eve for Adam and he gave me Gina. I love my life and my wife for better or worse.

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

These are the times that try men's souls!

 Presidential Election 2012. Barack Obama wins reelection.  The morning of Tuesday November 6th 2012 the first thing I did was say a prayer.  It went something like this:  

"Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for this day and the blessing of living in the greatest country this earth has ever known.  It was no mere accident but your divine hand that created this place.  Today a free America elects a President for the next four years, in my heart of heart's I believe Mitt Romney is the best person for the job.  I know that my wishes will not always align with the votes of other free men and I will not always get what I want.  I also know that you have blessed Man with free will, even if that free will causes us to make mistakes. Regardless of the results of our own choices you still remain Lord.  You rule over all of the leaders and kings on earth.  I pray that your righteousness infects whoever wins this election.  I know that you have a plan for all of us and pray that regardless of Romney or Obama, YOUR will and not mine is done.  I pray that America remains in Your favor by its people continuing to choose Love, Charity and Faith and walk with your despite what earthly king rules over them.  I finally pray that you will help me, my family and my countrymen walk with Christ through our time here on earth so that we may dwell with him for eternity.  You are the way, the truth and the light and give my life to you. Amen."

Obama won the election. 

"THESE are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated."  ~ Thomas Paine

I will live my life for Christ!  I will do the best I can to do the best I can, not to earn salvation but to please my God.  Christ has bought and paid for my salvation, it CAN'T be earned. I will try to do good because I LOVE my God...PERIOD.  I will fail more often than I succeed BUT I will not quit!  

CA Propositions 2012 - My Voter's Guide

So after some spirited discussion over the 11 State ballot initiatives on the November 2012 ballot, I came up with the following results.  You should know that while a consensus was reached on most of the initiatives, there were some where at least one person strayed.  A strategy we used on some of the more confusing props, was "When in doubt, Vote it out!" So, here it is:

Proposition 30 - Temporary Taxes to Fund Education/Public Safety   (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 31 - State and Local Government Budget initiative (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 32 - Union dues/payroll deductions for Political Contributions (Consensus - YES)

Proposition 33 - Auto insurance/driver history (Split - YES)

Proposition 34 - Death Penalty Initiative (Split - NO)

Proposition 35 - Human Trafficking/Sex Offenders (Split - YES)

Propostion 36 - Three Strikes Law (Split - NO)

Proposition 37 - Genetically Modified Food Labeling (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 38 - Income Tax Increase for early childhood ed. programs (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 39 - Income Tax increase for Business pertaining to Clean Energy (Consensus - NO)

Proposition 40 - Redistricting State Senate Districts (Consensus - YES)

A Facebook repost from Jake Ebert

Made homebrew today. In advance, I’d like to thank the gov’t for the roads to get me to the store and my teachers for helping me learn to read so I could understand the recipe. (Sorry mom and dad, you did nothing). If the beer is great and I sell it, I’m wondering if the gov’t would let me off the hook for the 40% I owe on every cent of profit. In exchange, I won’t ask the gov’t for reimbursemen

t if the beer is gross and I have to pour it all out. It’s about risk…and yes, I’m going to claim “I built it.” I don’t think I’m “smarter than you” or I “work harder” than you. It’s simply a statement about beer. Lest anyone thinks this is a political statement, I ask that you please don’t take me out of context. And yes, I’m buzzed!

Epic Fail!

The Epic Fail!  It’s become a popular phrase amongst today’s youth, popularized by Katie Perry and other Pop Icons.  The following is from the Urban Dictionary:

Epic- Anything great, spectacular, or large/monumental in nature

Fail- An inability to complete an objective, task or job either assigned or volunteered for.

Epic Fail -A mistake of such monumental proportions that it requires its own term in order to successfully point out the unfathomable shortcomings of an individual or group.

I’m writing this post today to say that failure IS an option.   While reading a book called, “Sifted” I came across a quote by President Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt.  Not my favorite President for various reasons but nonetheless I found great wisdom in the following quote:

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

Epic Fail! 

General Washington lost many battles throughout the revolution. Epic Fail!

Thomas Edison had many inventions/ideas that did not pan out.  Epic Fail!

Jonah ignored God, a storm threatened to capsize his vessel and all onboard.  He was thrown overboard and swallowed by a giant fish.  Epic Fail!

Failure is often the crucible that forges greatness!  We learn much from our own mistakes and can become better for it.  But more importantly than lessons learned is the mere fact that we truly live by playing the game! 

If we don’t take risks we will never know the joy of success.  We will live a mediocre, bland existence.  God does not want this for our lives.  He wants us to trust in him and push ourselves over our physical, human limits and into the realm of spiritual greatness. 

Think of it this way; if you died today, or years from now looking back at your life, will you do it wondering what could have been?  Wishing you could have done more?  Did your life have purpose?  Did you take risks knowing that it may indeed result in an Epic Fail…or were you afraid to fail?  Did you play it safe, living in the realm of human capabilities or did you risk it and allow Christ to take you far beyond? 

In all honesty I will have my regrets at the end of my life, I think anybody who is being truly honest will.  We can’t live everyday and every moment perfectly.  We don’t have infinite knowledge from the time we are born…..we learn as we go… we learn by living.  I need frequent reminders to live fully.  Today I hope you fail, so that tomorrow you can succeed.  Today I hope you know what it feels like to live!  A life checkered with Epic Fails, will simply be looked back on as being EPIC!

Reflection and Gratitude

 This year May 28th is a special day for me and my family.  Not only is it Memorial Day but this year it happens to fall on my eldest son's 6th birthday.  I'm so grateful for the past six years and the blessings our family have been given.  I find myself fortunate to be able to raise a family in the best country on earth. I firmly believe God had a hand in the creation of this great nation just as he did in bringing Westley into our family.  The creation and maintenance of the United States however did not, and does not come, without a heavy price.  It is our military and their families, through their sacrifice, through their toil and blood that we get to call ourselves: "The land of the free and home of the brave!"  God had a hand in the promise of America, but for those who know God as I do, much of his work is done through his creation....US.  We all must sacrifice if America is to remain a bastion of hope in the world.  We all must instill the principles of honor and respect to our younger generations.  I explained to my son the importance of May 28th this year.  It is his birthday.  A time to be happy and celebrate.  It is also Memorial Day a chance to give thanks and reflect.  At six years old he may get caught up in the whirlwind of festivities but he will continue to grow, knowing the true cost of balloons, cake and presents.  He will be proud to be an American.

Prepare for Impact!

Impact!

We must wake each morning and truly think about who we will impact that day.  It must be conscious decision and not something we leave to chance.  Love is a deliberate act not a passive feeling.  It’s not necessarily easy either.  It becomes easy through repetition. Repetition makes it habit.  Like training a muscle or committing some fact to memory.  It’s easiest to impact those who are part of our daily lives.  Impact; however can be good and bad.  If it’s not deliberate and thought out, it is a gamble. 

 I’m trying to get better at impacting strangers.  It’s not easy and I’m not always successful in doing so.  It’s far too easy to get caught up in the routine of life; it’s easy to get caught up in the routine of what I have to do for MY life.  It’s hard to think about others albeit a total stranger first.  Positive impact must be planned and practiced.

As I’ve mentioned repeatedly in these blogs I’m a police officer.  I’m impacting lives on a daily basis but if I approach my job by just going through the motions the impact only scratches the surface….it is not Deep Impact!  The funny thing is to have deep impact; it does not take monumental effort, simply an effort. Kind of like what the bible says about faith…”If you only had the faith of a mustard seed.”  The point is to not leave it to happenstance.

Sometimes positive impact comes through listening to your heart.  I know that might sound cheesy, but I think that is how God speaks to us.  If you don’t believe in God, well that is still where goodness is spoken to you.  For me, I don’t get a lot of clear direction from God.  There is no burning bush, no voice from on High booming down telling me what to do and when to do it.  I rely on the innate goodness given to us as humans, and the moral senses of what is right that has been reinforced through good and loving people in my life.  Some may call it listening to the Holy Spirit.  Call it what you want but act on the prompting of goodness…..even it makes you uncomfortable.

Last year, I responded to a radio call of a mentally disturbed person.  This man was a husband and a father of three beautiful girls.  Dad had been recently began episodes of paranoia….each day getting worse.  Our department’s Psychological Emergency Response Team responded and he was ultimately placed on psychiatric hold and transported to a hospital.  I felt bad for the family and wished there was something I could do.  I sent up a prayer and something inside told me to pray with the family…..I ignored it, I told myself as I got into my patrol car that it would be silly and I would feel totally awkward.  I drove out of the neighborhood and couldn’t shake the feeling.  A mile or two down the main road and I turned the car around.  I had to catch my breath as I knocked on the family’s door.  Mom had a puzzled look on her face.  I informed her that something was telling me to pray for her husband and their family with them.  She broke down.  She ushered her teenage daughters down from upstairs and informed them of why I had returned….everyone was misty eyed.  We held hands in a circle and I offered my short awkward prayer for their family.  Finished, slightly embarrassed and ready to bolt out the door, I was shocked when mom picked up where I had left off, then daughter #1, daughter #2 and daughter #3.  Expressing their gratitude for me. 

I won’t lie it felt good.  But the point is it was not something I wanted to do, but decided to do.  I don’t know what the lasting impact was but I know it was something that family needed at the time.  I look for opportunities like that; I try to think in advance of who I can impact that day.  I’m not always successful, I often forget or an opportunity does not really present itself.  Often the act I choose and the reaction is much more subtle than the example I just listed. 

One.  Start with a planned impact of just one person. 

A Long, Long Way to Go!

I’m writing this post as a testament of current events and a response to a growing sentiment of hate and racial division within the United States of America. America has come a long, long way in the area of race relations as even Martin Luther King Jr. pointed out in the Late 1950’s but he also acknowledged that America has a long, long way to go. Today, is no different, our great country has come a long, long way. We have seen the election of the first Black President, there is much more equality now than in the 1950’s and 1960’s. BUT, things could be much, much better!

As things reach a boiling point in the shooting death of Treyvon Martin, a 17 year old black teenager in Florida who was shot by a Hispanic Neighborhood Watch leader, George Zimmerman, my concern grows for the furtherance of race relations. It has become a hot button, black/white issue with hate propaganda overloading the airwaves. As a local police officer, I wonder how a seemingly local issue has become a national debate? It’s not as if similar crimes have not occurred on a somewhat regular basis across the country. I’m not saying that justice for Martin and/or Zimmerman should be ignored but it seems as if there was an agenda behind this case…an agenda which seems, in part, motivated to set-back race relations. There is so much hate and tension building and no good can come of it.

I began reading Martin Luther King Jr.’s April 1957 speech “A Realistic Look at the Question of Progress in the Area of Race Relations.” I found some great insight…King says:

“My friends, I cannot leave you without saying that as we move on let us be sure that our methods are thoroughly moral and Christian. This is one of the basic things confronting our nation. No matter what we suffer. I know it’s really hard when we think of the tragic midnight of injustice and oppression that we’ve had to live under so many years, but let us not become bitter. Let us never indulge in hate campaigns, for we can’t solve the problem like that.”

For the sake of my children I hope the hate rhetoric is quelled quickly. I hope we start hearing the voices of reason. Let our justice system work and not have people take matters into their own hands when it comes to handing out justice. Street Justice is not the answer. The flaws with the process and the system should be addressed through rational and peaceful channels. Lawful channels.

“ Somebody must have sense in this world. And to hate for hate does nothing but intensify the existence of hate in the universe. We must not use violence. Maybe sometimes we will have to be the victims of violence, but never let us be the perpetrators of violence. For if we succumb to the temptation of using violence in our struggle, unborn generations would be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness and our chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos. We must not use violence.”

I believe we must send a message of love and respect. Approach our differences with humility. If we honor the opinions of others and approach our conflicts through admirable action over pointed words our common ground can be found. What we want as, black, white, yellow or brown is not that much different. We must restore our values. King continues:

“Our aim must never be to defeat the white man or to humiliate him. Our aim must be to win his friendship and his understanding. Oh, no matter how much we are mistreated there is still a voice crying through the vistas of time saying, “Love your enemy. Bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you.” And then, and only then, can you matriculate into the university of eternal life. We must get a hold of this simple principle of love and let it be our guiding principle throughout our struggle.”

In this challenging time in America, there is much division over politics and now race. Many of us have not been sucked into the game of words, but I urge everyone to pay attention to what is going on. Apathy today will only cause you to awaken tomorrow to a world you don’t recognize. I am looking for the leaders to emerge. Leaders that will set us on the right path, take the wheel and correct the course of this great nation. Sadly, I have seen few. Our government and our media are not providing the voice that is needed. Be weary of those who speak with charisma, ensure they are sending the right message…

“This means that through this period we will need leaders on every hand and at every scene who will stress this. This is a time for sound and sane leadership. This is no period for rabble-rousers, whether the rabble-rouser be white or Negro. We are grappling and dealing with the most complex, one of the most weighty and complex social issues of the centuries. This problem is deeply rooted in the emotions, deeply rooted in the customs and traditions of the South. And we can’t solve the problem with misguided emotionalism. This is a period for sane, sound, rational leadership. We must be calm and yet positive at the same time. We must avoid the extremes of hot-headedness and Uncle-Tomism. Oh, this is a period for leaders. Leaders not in love with publicity, but in love with humanity. Leaders not in love with money, but in love with justice. Leaders who can subject their particular egos to the greatness of the cause.”

It is with great hope that I can one day, years from now, look back on this blog and reflect and say America has come a long, long way since Treyvon-Zimmerman. Now lets keep working towards the next great achievement.

I encourage everyone to look up and read MLK Jr.s entire speech “A Realistic Look at the Question of Progress in the Area of Race Relations.”

Stand and fight!

Does evil exist? It’s a fairly simple question. I believe most of us would say yes. What do you do about it? That is a much more complex question. Centuries of human civilization have endured the struggle between good and evil. It seems unlikely that humanity will put an end to this struggle on its own. What do you do about it? Fight? Give-up? Wait until evil confronts you specifically? If the forces of Good and Evil exist then it is reasonable to believe those forces are actively at work. Perhaps you don’t believe in some external supernatural forces, fine then there are internal forces within each of us that dictate our thoughts, emotions and feelings of right and wrong. Regardless the struggle exists and yet many of us go through our day without taking a stand.

Christian author John Eldredge does an excellent job of outlining this ongoing battle of Good and Evil, if you get a chance to read some of his books I recommend you do so. Here are my thoughts, if evil exists, shouldn’t we take an active role in fighting it, in our own lives at a minimum?

I want to shift gears slightly and talk about State sponsored Evil! Sounds scary huh? An entire nation, run by an evil regime, with vast resources at its disposal, ready and willing to carry out its plans. (Begin Sarcasm) Good thing none of those have ever existed (End Sarcasm)

As an American one of the things I’m proud of is the goodness within the people of this country and willingness to stand up to evil….time after time. Has everything this country done been good or just? No. Has every war we’ve entered been for the right reasons? No. Are there global battles that we should not yet be involved in? Yes. Does America have the right to act unilaterally and independent of our allies if we see fit? Your damn right we do and sometimes it is imperative that we do so. The world, to include many of our allies, is to a point, jealous of American dominance. Many wish to see a more global government but I warn you this will only shackle our freedom and destroy the seed of goodness.

Wise council should be sought and our allies respected but we must make our own decisions. When governments such as Iran threaten to annihilate Israel or attack us for supporting them, the answer is not to back down. When rhetoric inside of a nation’s government has been for destruction of a race or people then we should not stay silent and be lured into a false sense of security because the initial attack is not a direct assault on us. Evil ignored is evil at work! We are being flanked!

Good loses to Evil when Good does nothing! But, I’m tired, we’re stretched to thin, we have our own problems! We do have to be smart about the battles we pick and when we choose to fight them, but we also can’t simply refuse to fight because we are exhausted or the odds are stacked against us. Was the ragtag band of American colonial militia a match for the British Empire…perhaps the strongest nation on the planet at that time? Was Normandy an easy gimme! Should David have been able to slay Goliath? The point is I’m sure none of those circumstances were ideal, I know for a fact General Washington had his back to the wall many, many times with an ill-equipped, beat down and broken army but the “Cause” made it worth fighting for and the greatest nation in the world was born.

We need only stand against evil; Providence will see us through!

Remembering Sam

Ten years ago an article from my college’s newspaper, The Daily Aztec, on January 29^th 2002 began as follows:

“The news that a San Diego State student died of meningitis Saturday morning sent shock waves through the university yesterday.

Samantha Graham, a communication senior, is believed to have contracted the disease over Winter Break. She was to graduate this spring.”

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read a story such as this and thought, Wow, that’s too bad they were so young or maybe saw the headline and not thought much more of it as I continued on with my day. My point is it never really hits you until it hits close to home.

Samantha Graham was a friend of mine, a classmate and co-worker all rolled into one. Her death hit close to home. I had lost older family members but when someone who is your age dies, especially at a younger age, there is something that will rock you to your core. I imagine our military men and women have come to understand this far to well.

Samantha left behind a twin sister, Abby, who I was and am still friends with today. I can’t imagine how the loss of Sam feels for her. I always identified the Graham’s as twins, a pair and it was hard to picture one without the other, even when I was around either of them without the other, I always pictured them as a package deal. Like those broken heart necklaces that were once popular that said “Best” on one side and “Friends” on the other and fit so nicely together; even when they are apart you know there is a match that makes it whole.

Nothing is a bigger test of faith than death, especially when it involves someone we have grown so close with. Jesus Christ did not want to die either and think of the questions of faith even his followers had when our world’s savior breathed his last breath on the cross. Do you think they questioned their faith? I’m reminded of Jesus’ appearance to several of his disciples after his own death on the road to Emmaus from Luke 24:13-32 (Read it).

Death seems so unfair when it comes so early and unexpectedly. Jesus arrived in Jerusalem on Palm Sunday and was crucified on Good Friday. It was unexpected just as Sam’s death was unexpected.

I get “the angry with God” feeling! I actually think its ok. I think we are suppose to tell him how angry we feel, tell why it is unfair, how hurt we are. I even think its ok to ask him and ourselves “why” why her, why him, why now, why did this happen? I think it is ok to do all of this as long as you are communicating with God. Go ahead let him have it.

It was August of 1998 and I was beginning my first semester at San Diego State University. I lived in the dorms, Tenochca Hall, 3^rd Floor. The first two female students I met were Samantha and Abby Graham. I can picture the moment still, two beautiful girls with beaming smiles as excited as I was to embark on our college experience. Samantha as it turns out lived above me on the fourth floor the same floor as a young woman who would eventually become my wife, Gina. Gina recalls Sam as being one of the few girls who lived on her floor whom she genuinely liked because of how friendly she was. I eventually went on to work with Sam and Abby as front desk assistants and later resident advisers. Sam and I worked in the same dorm hall and was one of my favorite co-workers. Sam and I even were in the same Spanish class one semester. We both had our own college lives, which kept us busy, and doing our own thing much of the time, but I very much considered her a friend.

At the funeral my heart broke watching Abby and thinking how this was all affecting her. Abby spoke at her sister funeral and it strengthened me. Even though I don’t remember what she said exactly I have always remembered she stood up. I remembered it when my Dad and my Grandpa died and Abby’s strength, even years later, gave me strength.

Odds are if Sam were here today, I’d occasionally message her on Facebook, or click “like” if she commented about the Aztecs going to the sweet sixteen, but I don’t know how much our relationship would grow outside of that. I think of her and Abby much more often than I would have if she were here and as strange as it sounds our relationship has grown. I also know she is in a great place now and that is not just religious talk but a deeply routed feeling which tells me its fact.

This post may have seemed to ramble or seemed to run on, but its my tribute to my dear friend Samantha Graham and also my hope that each person that reads this will remember everyone they have lost and talk to them whenever they feel the need. Just like the Best Friends necklace I mentioned earlier just because you are apart doesn’t mean the other half is not out there somewhere, even in death.

Please visit NMAUS.ORG to make a donation in the memory of Samantha Graham

Be Excellent To Each Other

Sometimes the greatest wisdom is found in the most unlikely places. Two high schoolers, Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire from the 1989 comedy Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure are traveling through history in an attempt to find a few iconic figures for a history report, instead they stumble on much more; the meaning of life. “Be Excellent to Each Other!” and “Party on Dude!”

Three children are playing on a playground when they decide to play a game to see who can climb to the top of the play structure and slide down the slide first. Three parents look on from the side of playground. The race begins in fury of screams and giggles as the three children sprint across the sand towards the play structure. About midway up the play structure one of the kids slips on a stair and falls hard and begins crying. The two other children glance back and one continues onward to the top of the structure, elated to have won, while the other stops in his tracks and returns to his injured companion.

How does the parent of the injured child feel? How does the parent of the child who sacrificed the race for his friend feel? How does the parent of the “victorious” child feel? How do each of the children feel after the event is done and finished?

No amount of success or wealth will matter unless it has been obtained righteously. You will become broken and cynical if you use others as a stepping stone to your climb up the play structure, if you build yourself up on the failures of others. The need for wealth becomes insatiable as you use “stuff” to attempt to heal that brokenness.

Be Excellent to Each Other! Do unto others as you would have them do to you! In business seek to create win-win situations. Don’t make it your goal to put others out of business but simply make your business better. Chances are in your personal life you have come to respect those who have treated you with excellence and not those who have a great resume. When you are at the end of your days you will have little regret if you have treated people right.

Party on Dude! Keep on, keeping on! Enjoy life! First, be excellent to each other, then Party on! You are meant to enjoy life here on earth despite the hardships that come. Hardships will come and hopefully you have some people in your life to help you through them. Hopefully you help others through theirs. We weren’t created to survive, hope that angels are with us and pray for miracles. We were created to rule this earth and bring goodness to one another, to make miracles happen through human actions. Angels do exist and serve a purpose. God allows for true divine miracles to happen but the design is for us to work in concert. The heavy lifting is meant to be shared!

So on Monday morning when you walk back onto the playground; have fun. Race to the top of the play structure and try your best to win...but don’t win at all costs. Don’t run every race, sit on the swings and be your friend’s biggest fan. When your parents tell you its time to go home, look back and reflect on the good times you had and look forward to tomorrow. Party on Dudes!

We Rise Again -- Remembering OPD Officer Dan Bessant

I never knew Officer Dan Bessant as he was gunned down about four months before I started the Police Academy. I was about midway through the application process to become a police officer for the City of Oceanside on the night Dan was murdered. Sitting at home with my wife the night of December 20th, 2006 we could hear endless sirens from nearby College Blvd and in the distance. I knew that something big had happen. The next morning I learned what tragedy had unfolded. The loss of a human life, a warrior, an officer.

A battle was waged in heaven and Satan was cast out for his pride. The battle continues here on earth....The goodness of man's heart battling sins of the flesh. In the end good prevails but the battle must be fought, the days long, the hour dark and sometimes all will seem lost....but fight we must. When our comrades are struck down we must not forget that their souls have been ransomed and salvaged. For when Dan was gunned down in cold blood, his earthly body did die..........his flesh was bloodied and torn but his soul lives and his uniform of wool, kevlar armor and semi-automatic pistol were cast aside as he dawned his new uniform of light, armor of righteousness and God's mighty sword as he took up his new position in St. Michael's Army. He will continue to keep guard over Heaven's gates, keeping watch over his earthly brothers. The battle against evil is not yet finished, his fight continues but fear not because Satan's demons are no match for God's warriors. Sins days are numbered. In our own time we will meet Dan and the rest of God's soldiers on streets of Gold!

The Power of the Christmas Season

When I first watched this, I watched it live, it was a cloudy day and it was dark and gray in the house all morning long...there is a segment were Glenn says the following:

"I think we are missing the true power of God, the power of the season the power of Christmas. If you are just lighting a candle for the season, well then you are missing out on the point that Miracles can and do happen. And now more than ever, I think, God is crying out to us and telling us he will sustain us, he will light our way. I know it to be true."

Just as he was saying this and reached the point "he will light our way" the sun streamed in through the blinds of the window in front of me. Some will call it coincidence, but I will call it GOD!

Everyday Heroes (The Atlas Patriot)

Everything that is good about America is and always has been derived from its people. Individuals! I’m quite confident that if we look at all that is wrong with our country today we can find the answer within ourselves. We assume that everything will work out. We assume that because we have been born into greatness and lived in the greatest country in the world that it is a guarantee. The truth is many of us have forgotten that freedom must be fought for and goodness manifests itself through actions rather than thought. What is the point of your existence? Is it about acquiring as much wealth as you can, as much stuff as you can, as much entertainment as you can, while you can? Do others matter at all?

We need to change ourselves so that we put others above ourselves. We must sacrifice some of our own comforts for others; we must serve. Until we change ourselves we can’t expect our families to change, our friends to change, our communities and our country to change. It is time to jump off the bandwagon. We can’t just sit idly by anymore. It takes courage to act and act we must.

Look to the heroes in your life. Look to the people who you believe to be good people. Look to those that put themselves last. Look to those who stand by their principles. We have to incorporate the goodness of others into ourselves and vice versa. It starts with little things and the little things combine to form big things. There are many iconic heroes that have existed throughout history many of whom did nothing extraordinary in their lives but simply stood by their principles or put others first.

Our politicians are not going to fix the problems that exist in America today. It has to start with ourselves and with our families. It is not an easy task and will take work, but we must be willing to put the effort into it. Start by setting a goal for yourself, a simple goal, then repeat it on a weekly basis then once it becomes routine, expand on it with a new goal and then another and another.

I hope to in the future of this blog to tell about some of the everyday heroes in my life, the Atlas Patriots! In the meantime don’t expect things to happen, make them happen!

A Message of Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for many things. Life comes with its hardships. I am thankful. Not a day goes by that there is not some challenge to be dealt with. I am thankful. 1776 this country I love was born! I am Thankful. Many have died for her since. I am Thankful. I am thankful for my wife, my children my family. I have had a good life.

It’s easy to lose sight; our focus blurred. The world seems so evil. America seems to be failing. The world we recognized as children is not the same today. I am still thankful. Increased crime, increased terror, increased heartache. I am still thankful. I am still thankful because in spite of it all there are still miracles….still people who believe, who love, who care for others, put others above themselves, put principles above themselves…selflessness STILL exists. I am still thankful.

Each day I put on a uniform, a gun and a badge. Oh the hardships that comes with it. I am always thankful. I don’t always like it. There are days I’d rather walk away from it all. Days I don’t want to go to work. I am always thankful. A molested child, A dead body, A battered woman, A broken home, A broken marriage, A broken family. Blood, tears, screams, hate! I am always thankful. There are helping hands, people who heal, shoulders to cry on. Heroes…in uniform and out. I am always thankful. Giving of money, of time, of heart, mind and soul……giving of everything! SACRIFICE……I am always thankful.

Salvation! He died for our sins! A second chance! A chance to live life the best we can in a fallen world so we can spend eternity in heaven. An unrivaled plan! A fallen world where miracles happen. A God who loves. An amazing plan for each one of our lives. Earthly failure is not heavenly failure. Man created in HIS image….the glory that is evident in his creation, even with the presence of sin. LIGHT will cast out darkness. Good prevails, we win. HE wins! ETERNAL LIFE………..

THANK YOU! FOR ETERNITY

Hypocrisy

I’m willing to bet that every person who has ever lived has been guilty of being a hypocrite at one point or another during his or her own lifetime. As for myself, I know for a fact that I have not only been a hypocrite at some point in my life but am probably guilty of hypocrisy on a daily basis. Most the time I probably don’t even realize it. What happens when I do realize that I have been a hypocrite? Do I brush it off? Do I make excuses? Do I reflect on it? Do I attempt to fix it? Do I apologize?

I am a hypocrite and I’m also a Christian. Christians often come across as the most hypocritical people on the planet. Ivory tower preaching while living sinful lives can be hard for others to accept. Christians are often the biggest enemy of Christianity. In a fallen world, no human is without sin but the expectation is that the religious should be, the power on the microscope is dialed up for us and rightfully so. Christians are expected to live up to the “Gold Standard” the teachings and standards set in the Bible.

Hypocrisy of non-Christians….

There is no separation of church and state clause in the U.S. Constitution, yet the attack on Christianity has been staggering. Remove crosses from public lands remove prayer, remove God and any references and images of religion. U.S. started as place people would come to for religious freedom and now religion itself is under attack.

In California, creationism and religion is not taught in public school but now a block of education will be dedicated to the topic of homosexuality. Why is one considered ok and not the other? Why is it ok to attack Judeo-Christian beliefs and symbols? Why can people attack the religious through labeling, stereotyping and name-calling? If somebody attacks or vandalizes based on sexual preference, race or religion it is considered a hate crime however it has become acceptable to erase Christianity from public view and public ear.

It’s easy to look back on history and see what Hitler did with the Jews. We all acknowledge the attempted eradication of anything Jewish. Some of us even ask how they could not see it coming or why didn’t they stop it. It’s happening here in the United States. Jews and Christians are used as a scapegoat. There is an increased attempt to make us appear evil, uneducated and antiquated.

I urge everyone reading this post, both religious and atheist to look in a mirror before putting others under a microscope. Be watchful those who speak in absolutes, be watchful of hypocrisy.

Satire and Subterfuge!

Thank God for humor! Without it most of us probably couldn’t tolerate the nonsense that we encounter in our day-to-day lives. Comedy takes the edge off of more serious topics by presenting things in an entertaining manner. Comic Relief!

Satire especially, is used to poke fun at people and ideas through the use of exaggeration and sarcasm. Satire is a great source of entertainment, especially in the arena of politics and current events. Lord knows we can’t take life too seriously or we are all likely to go insane.

HOWEVER, if we never take life seriously we are likely to be lulled into a trance and led away like children by the Pied Piper of Hamelin. There comes a time where we must face reality and, in a conscious state, address real issues.

The dangers of an over reliance on comedy are two-fold. First, we are likely to miss the message of how the real story impacts our lives. We lose the ability to make informed decisions because we get so caught up in being entertained. The importance of a given topic is downplayed and thus easily forgotten. Second, we get an even more opinionated view of reality. Spin, slant, agenda, bias or whatever you want to call it. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of bias that goes into non-comedic presentations but at least you get a clearer picture of what is going on, especially if you get your information from a variety of sources.

Beware the subterfuge of satire! Looking specifically at politics, both sides (Liberal and Conservative) use this tactic a lot. They make the other side sound absolutely ridiculous by presenting their views in an over-the-top and highly exaggerated manner. Additionally, by making the opposing side’s argument sound silly they are attempting to discredit them.

It’s true no matter what side of the aisle we are on we often see the views of the other as being off in left field, but its important to know the real reason why! We must be able to rationally argue our beliefs and discredit our opposition’s in a respectful manner. This allows us to more clearly see the flaws in our own arguments, find middle ground if it exists or checkmate the opposition. The Federalist Papers are one of the best examples I can think of how to effectively argue a point.

Fight fair and don’t let your zeal for a certain topic cause you to belittle your opponent…something I am guilty of from time to time! Embrace comedy for what it is but don't rely on it. Don't fall asleep!